hesitancy about doing the right thing

When i was waiting for my friends yesterday, i saw a blind man struggling to find his whereabouts. I wanted to help him, but guess i was just pondering too much about the situation. The next thing i knew was that another guy came to the man's rescue. I knew that helping the blind man was the right thing to do but unknowingly, i hesitated for a while. I know how bad this might sound but i can't help it facing a similar situation like this at times.

The incidence taught me a lesson that whenever you want to do something good, you shouldn't give it any second thoughts. Just do what your heart desires and not what your mind tells you. Our mind can turn out to be our greatest enemy at times, because our mind is a cunning faculty whereas our heart is just an innocent organ that is pure, uncontaminated by the evils of this world. Most of the time, we let our mind to get the best of us. Thus, we are designed to be calculative and manipulative that we tend to overlook simple things in life like doing the right thing. We just willingly surrender to negative things to influence our decisions. Instead, if we solely let our heart to decide, then the choices we make would give us absolute satisfaction and would also free us from the guilt of not being able to do something that coincides with our conscience. As i recalled this incident, i was feeling guilty for letting my mind win. The only reassurance i could give myself is that the next time i encounter similar situations, my deeds would be guided by my heart instead.

That being said, although we often compare mind and heart in the above manner in literature normally, in real, medically speaking, our mind is the important organ involved in decision making and in control of our emotions whereas heart is just a muscular organ that pumps blood. Guess I'm just contradicting myself here :P

expectations

Expectations- they can be bad or good, either they destroy or they build you, either they make you feel disappointed or proud. The outcome actually depends on the circumstances. Some expectations motivate you, the rest burdens you. The fact is that it all rests on how close is that expectation with your capabilities. Dream big, but do not dream impossible. Personally, I feel sometimes suffocated by other people's expectations. It can just be overwhelming sometimes when you need to live up to others’ expectations. I, for one, prefer to have my own expectations rather than being congested with other people’s expectations as no one can possibly know me better than my own self.

I can only pity those kids whose parents burden them with their own unrealized dreams and never allow them to enjoy their lives to the fullest. These children are never given a chance to prove themselves and even worse, they are forced to do something they are not passionate about. I am grateful that my parents never push or force me to become anything. They just gave me the full freedom of choosing anything that I love. This proved to be very crucial as it allowed me to be wiser in decision-making and also gave me a sense of responsibility to never let my parents down. Everyone on this Earth is born differently and is gifted in a unique way that can only be explored if given full freedom to attempt and try new things to unravel the hidden talent.

Nonetheless, some expectations are good if it is sensible. For instance, when a teacher tells her student that she believes that the student can do much better and ask him to work harder, this would certainly motivate the student to realize his own potential. But, expecting someone to be perfect and to be excellent constantly is just too much at times because that is just too impossible. We, as human beings are never perfect and are bound to make mistakes at anytime. If everyone realizes this simple truth, life would be much easier as you would not overdo things just to prove yourself to others.

suicide or murder?

Few weeks ago, my friend was saying about feeling depressed and wanting to commit suicide. i didn't know how to console her. But, all that came to my mind when she said that was of a sister who was very close to my heart. She passed away when she was 18 years old. I was in Form Four at that time. When she passed away, all i could think of was that i would never see her again. And i was feeling guilty about not talking to her when i saw her for the last time. I met her about a few months before she died and i didn't get to talk to her simply because she was talking to another friend of hers, and i thought that i could catch up with her another time. I, like a typical human being, just took that moment for granted and lost the chance of talking to her for the very last time.

So, i told my friend that suicide is not really about killing your own self but murdering all those around you. That's what i believe at least. Although the sister didn't commit suicide and died because she met with an accident, there's not really much difference between the two. She just vanished into thin air out of a sudden.

I said to my friend that she'd probably be at peace if she died, but everyone else would be haunted by the GUILT of not being able to do anything to stop her. Her parents would spend their remaining years wondering where they've gone wrong and how they should have sensed it coming and why they didn't love their daughter more. And her friends would wonder why they didn't do anything to help her even though she was right in front of them all these years. The biggest sin is guilt. It will make your life a living hell if you are not able to bury it and move on with your life.

dedicated to Dana akka (130986-160904)
i miss u terribly.. love you always..:)

life's ups and downs..

One day you feel like you are the top of the world, the other day, you feel like everything has let you down. This is the riddle of life. Nothing is permanent in this world. For those who've realised this truth, they would not have any problem adapting when things do not turn out well. But, for those who think they're invincible, they are heading for a big trouble when everything around them is no longer in their favour.

That's why it's always best to be humble. Every one is just the same in this world. The world is so big and all of us are just tiny ants in it. There's no point in being so cocky because anything can happen at anytime. Fame, wealth, etc. none of these things would last forever. It could just disappear in the blink of an eye. Being students, it's better to share your knowledge rather than being 'kiasu' or selfish. The more you teach others, the more you would learn eventually.

Also, there's no point in being jealous with others who are in a better position than you, because that person probably would have worked harder to be there. Nothing can be done by just being jealous. All of us should instead turn that negative energy into positive emotion to try to change ourselves to reach greater heights. But, this doesn't mean that you have to pray that the other person should be doomed. Life is a circle, if you are true to yourself and you acknowledge your inner strengths and weaknesses and accept them, you can make a difference too and become a better person in the future.

friendship

For some, this word probably signifies nothing. For me, it’s the purest form of relationship that requires both parties to trust and love each other with no strings attached. I have had so many friends and faced so many problems because of faulty friendship.

I do not understand why some people just cannot be true friends, especially girls. They just tend to let jealousy and every other minor issues to get in between their friendship. Nowadays, most people just use this term to benefit them as though friendship is a form of business. I have tried so hard to be a good friend and still find it very hard to maintain a friendship for a long time. I feel that I'm being used by my friends for their own benefits at times. I do not really get their concept of friendship. They have to understand that I am most certainly not a machine. They need to realise that friendship is not a ladder or tool to achieve greater heights in life. I have kind of started to give up on friendship. People should learn to treat friendship with a great deal of respect. A friend who gives a lot and expects nothing much in return is hard to be found nowadays.

The scar caused by betrayal of close friends although might take a longer time to heal, will heal eventually I suppose. Cheers to finding more true and lasting friendship :)

do not judge a book by its cover

Few months ago, i experienced something rather unusual. When i was having my lunch, my friend was beaten viciously few times by a boy with down's syndrome for no particular reason. His reply to this boy's act was truly out of ordinary. He just smiled and apologised to the mother as though the whole situation was his fault. I was really amazed by this gesture of his. This situation made me wonder how many people out there would have behaved in the same manner he did if they were placed in the same situation. Surely, the number would be very small indeed. Many would have possibly lost their nerves and simply ended up scolding the poor boy.

Many of us do not acknowledge the existence of those who are less fortunate than us. We are born perfectly with intact bodily functions that we just tend to take certain things for granted. How many of us have actually went to homes for handicapped people and try to ease their sufferings. We would rather waste our leisure time sitting cosily at home, doing nothing useful.












I've spent some time at one of these homes after stpm. The experience was truly an eye-opener. I learnt many new things that can't be found anywhere else. These people might not have the things that we have, but believe me, they have a lot more to offer than us. Although we have normal body and mind, but we tend to complain a lot about unnecessary things and think only about our own selves. These special kids although some of them are abandoned by their parents because of their health statuses, they are still able to smile and entertain their friends and others by hiding their sufferings. I hate to refer to them as the handicapped because i feel that they are not the real handicaps. The real handicaps are those criminals that commit crime just for the sake of enjoying themselves and those politicians who engage in bribery thus betraying the trust of their poor citizens. These people are the ones who are actually handicapped of emotions and humanity to feel for their human counterparts. While i was there, i just played with them but i hope that i can do more for these kids in the future.

Now, when i get to go to more centres for special kids as part of my assignments, there is one common thing that they all need. They need help and support from many civilians. I just hope that there'll be more helping hands that would reach out to those centres.

indians' mentality

I received an email the other day about how indians spend their money. I found it rather true that most indians would rather invest their money on not so important things other than their children's education. A lot of their money are spent on temple which would just help the temple's committee to use that money to develop their temple. If they spent that money to buy books for their children instead, that money would have served its purpose more for the betterment of our community. I can't just blame the parents solely in this matter. I have friends who would buy a lot of clothes and accessories but would hesitate to buy expensive books. This is the difference between indians and chinese. Indians do not really regard books to be important. But, books are the source of knowledge and no matter how much you spend on books, it would never be a waste. Quoted from mahatma gandhi- live as if you were to die tomorrow and learn as if you were to live forever. This quote really emphasises the importance of education. So, it does not matter if you are poor in terms of money but make sure you are wealthy in terms of knowledge.

dogs

Dogs are truly the most adorable creatures. They are men's best friends. Some are even willing to pay a huge sum of money to buy pedigree dogs from breeds like labrador, rottweiller, german shepherd, golden retriever, etc. but, there are other non-pedigree dogs that most of us don't really regard as adorable pets. They are referred to as stray dogs or even worse, pariah dogs. Not only we, human beings treat people differently according to classes and statuses, we even treat dogs the same way. Just like how poor people have richer soul and integrity, the same goes to these stray dogs. They are the one who diligently hunt for food no matter whether it is raining or burning sunshine, night or day, never willing to give up as the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. They constantly get kicked and thrown stones at, but their hunt for food to ensure their survival never fades.

Yet, some of us regard these creatures as things rather than animals, and do not even have slight compassion towards these helpless beings that are not so blessed as their pedigree counterparts who get to enjoy the privilege of getting the best food and home to stay. We see them in our daily lives almost everywhere on the street, but how many of us have actually offered them food. These poor dogs might have not eaten for days, yet we would not even consider to give some bread or biscuits that we have to them. Some would even cast cruel look as though these creatures do not even deserve to live in this world. These dogs are not to be blamed for being born into this cruel world where people do not even care about their own species, let alone care for dogs. I have seen many dogs being left to die on the road after being hit by blind, inconsiderate, reckless drivers and hundred others who died out of misery from extreme hunger. It is our responsibility to not only serve mankind, but also these pitiful animals that need some love and care from us in order to survive in this ruthless world. So, spare them some love and you have nothing to lose.

a helping hand

How many of us do really have the habit of helping others without strings attached. I'm not talking about your helping someone after they have asked for it but more towards the kind of help that you offer to others without them asking for it when you see someone around you clearly needing it.The latter is definitely a more genuine and sincere form of help. This is something that most of us would have experienced at some point in our lives, but what might differ is the way we respond to this event. For instance, in buses, there will be a grandpa, granny or a pregnant lady who aboard the bus, but what do we normally see is people would be hesitant to offer their seats to them. They would be looking at each other and finally, one would decide to give in to their non-verbal 'arguments'. However, there are some who would immediately stand and give their places to those who would need those seats more. This was something that i've experienced personally. An Indonesian guy offering his seat to an old lady but, this is a very rare occurrence indeed..

People are getting more self-centered and more money-oriented that they forget the very basic foundation of humanity; the act of helping others. I don't know how many of you have actually helped out a total stranger just out of compassion, but i can say one thing for sure that it'd give you a sheer happiness and satisfaction that nothing in this world can provide.

Besides that, I do believe in the existence of wheel of life that everything evolves around a circle or more simply, what you do is what you get. Take human life itself for example, when you are a baby, you need a caretaker and when you grow older, when you are no longer able to take care of yourself, you need a caretaker as well. And another simple thing that many of us don't realise is that how you treat your parent is how your children would treat you. There are many youths nowadays in the name of pursuing the peak of their career neglect their parents and send them away to old folks home. They don't seem to appreciate what their parents have sacrificed for them. My point is that before you start helping others, be kind to your parents first because they are the one who brought you to this world. Don't ever forget your past because it is the essence of your life that made you who you are today. Charity should begin at home first.

an interesting encounter

I had a very interesting encounter with a particularly charming guy. Everything about him was so different. I saw him at a bus stop while waiting for my sis. I was the one who made the first move. I offered him a seat beside me. He was standing so that he could see the bus coming so, he replied politely that it was okay and continued standing. Then, he saw me reading and asked whether I was studying for examination. I replied, “No, I’m just reading lecture notes that were taught today.” Then, I continued talking to him. I introduced myself about being a first year medical student and about my hometown, etc. And then, I asked him about the location of his house and which bus he needed to take and so on. Apparently, he was there to HKL to visit his friend. We continued on to chat about few other things which seemed to be quite a lot for that short period of time. The short-lived conversation i had with him gave me a quick insight into his life.

Then, I offered to hold the bus on his behalf and asked him to sit,but he politely refused. But, my being a stubborn girl refused to accept his answer. I added that it would be my pleasure to hold the bus for him. He replied by saying that although he knew that it’d be my pleasure but again, he said it was okay and thanked me profusely instead. I was really amazed by his gesture. I could feel an immediate strong attraction towards his independent and truly cool personality. Afterwards, he continued the conversation by sparing more information about his seemingly interesting life. He shared that he is currently living with his friends. I was thinking about asking him about his family but I was afraid that I would offend him in any way by doing so, thus i decided to wait and let him spill the details himself if he deemed it to be necessary. Shortly after, as though he was able to read my mind, he started to tell me about his family.

Once he finished telling me about his family, he volunteered the answer to the million dollar question about his age, although I never actually asked for it. The very moment he told me his age, I was dumbfounded because it never occurred to me that he was so much older than what I could possibly imagine. I spontaneously blurted out that, “Wow, you look so much younger than your real age.” I asked him about his secret to looking that young and he generously shared that it was all contributed to staying fit by exercising regularly. I was inspired by his answer because it is hard to remain motivated to lead a healthy lifestyle nowadays. A few minutes later, his bus came and our short, sweet meeting had to come to an abrupt, almost tragic ending. I wished that I had given him my phone number so that he could at least contact me in the future. But, it is all too late to ponder now. The worst part is that I forgot to even get to know his name. All I know is that he is a 82 years old gentleman who is currently staying at Taman Melawati. He married a Japanese woman and is blessed with five children- two sons and two daughters and one adopted child. And he has a whopping 22 grandchildren. Once his children were married, he asked them to live on their own with their own families though they will come to visit him occasionally on weekends. So, if any one of you know a man with such a strong personality and wisdom that matches the information that I have given, please let me know the details. He looked just like my late grandfather and I wish I could perhaps spend more time with him. My last word to him was about the passing of my grandfather but if he were to be alive, he would be around his age. And the last image of him that is still so fresh in my mind is of him saying goodbye to me from inside the bus (which is really so sweet of him)..

movies

I just had a wonderful day spending my night with a movie marathon which led to this day being undoubtedly one of the best days in my life. I was blessed to have the rare chance to watch two Oscar nominated movies back-to-back three days prior to the actual Oscar ceremony. Plus, I went out with a sister who's really such a gem. How I wish that all days could equate to something like today. Let me share about the movies that I watched which totally made my day-The curious case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. Former is a movie about the beauty of something that is so out of ordinary and the latter is the beauty of something so simple yet, the way both stories were told was totally mind-blowing. The former tells of a story of a guy who aged backwards and how people perceived him as an old guy although he had only a child's soul. And how he missed all the normal joys of growing up as a kid but, as he actually grew younger (which was actually older), he found himself savouring every moment of his life, gaining memorable experiences along the way and how he had to accept the reality of life when he had to watch those he loved dying before him. Of particular significance was his love story when he fell in love with Daisy while they were both kids and how their love never faded through time although he was getting younger and she was growing older. Meanwhile, the latter tells of a story of a simple, honest guy who was forced to face the realm of poverty at every stage of his life since his childhood in slum, who found himself suddenly at the edge of becoming a millionaire when he enters a contest-"who wants to be a millionaire?" Yet the interesting part is that he did not reach there by luck or by his intelligence but pure coincidences which ended up relating the questions that he was being asked in the contest with real events in his life that had affected him deeply. The way the director started the movie with a question and ended it with an answer was extremely creative too. This movie also carried an important, underlying message that you should never underestimate those who are more unfortunate than you. Hope others can have the privilege of watching these superb movies like me too.

well,just to add on.. here is a better description of slumdog millionaire that I read in NST written by Mahendra Ved, definitely better than the one that I wrote.. He said that Slumdog is not an Indian film but it is definitely about India and its (I’d actually preferred ‘her’ instead of ‘it’) seamy underbelly. It is about irrepressible spunk, crushing poverty, loads of luck, nascent love and Bollywoodish masala, all packaged in that inimitable Indian idiom of song and dance, rendered in captivating rhythm and cinematic texture, which clearly had cross-cultural appeal.. wow, certainly a superb way to describe all the nuances in the movie..